Hi soz to disturb u I just wanted to know prices lol I like the look of ur pics So txt bk soon plz

I am immediately suspicious, because my phone number is on the same page as my fee details.  However, men can be notoriously stupid (I’m sorry guys, but some of you really are, read on for evidence) so I text back my fees.

Gdgd when is ur next free night?

Tomorrow.

Erm have u got enything free for start of next month?

Uh huh. Timewaster, for sure. But I’ll play along. Yes, any date in mind?

Eh enything after the 28 march

My diary’s not fully booked that far in advance lol, pick a date that suits. 29th?

Eh yea 29th will do fine what stuff do u do again

Oh, for Heaven’s sake, can you not be a bit more original with your wank material? Isn’t there enough free porn on the web to keep your right hand busy? Only the vanilla stuff lol! It’s all on the website (give address)

Gdgd so it al sorted thn 29 me u shag fest?

Still need to have place, time, duration.

(gives time, place – a hotel in Glasgow that I’m not sure exists – duration)

And your name?

(gives name. A known fuckwit; last time he played this game he wanted me to go to an address which looked like it’s on an industrial estate, with no landline, and at which he’s not on the electoral roll. Oh, yes, and it’s in Dumfries, of course.)

OK X, see you on the 29th.

Do u take it up the arse and suck dick?

So, if you’re reading this and you’re in Dumfries, that’s why there’s a shortage of WGs in your area.